Friday, 23 August 2013

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Ramblings from Malaysia: So When Are You Getting Married?

Eid ul-Fitr, the day of celebration among Muslims to mark the end of the fasting month of Ramadan, has come and gone. This year, the day fell on Thursday 8th August 2013. While in most other countries the day is celebrated only for a day or two, in Malaysia, by tradition, Hari Raya (as Eid ul-Fitr is known here) lasts for 1 month, the whole month of Shawal that follows right after Ramadan.

Religious festivities in Malaysia tend to involve not just family, but also relatives (close and distant) and friends (including colleagues). Hari Raya in particular is synonymous to travelling back to one’s own hometown to be with parents, families and old friends. It’s that time of the year when people get together to catch up with each other’s updates, strengthening the ties and… eat like there’s no tomorrow! Unfortunately it’s also the time of the year when almost everyone you know would ask you those life’s milestones questions. You know, questions like if you’re still single, it’s “When are you going to get married?” If you’re already married but yet to have any child, it’s “When are you having kids?” If you already have a child or two, it’s “When is the next one coming along?”

There are of course some less intrusive questions too. If you have just started working or working at some big company or somewhere overseas, it’s “Where do you work?” This is usually followed by a statement or (for dramatic effect,) an exclamation, “Ooh! My son/nephew/niece/relative/father-in-law/grandfather/my ex’s sister-in-law’s husband’s uncle’s wife’s nephew works there too!” once they get the answer.

If you notice, these questions obviously follow certain expectations as we progress through ("normal") life. School, university, work, girlfriend/boyfriend, marriage, kids, kids’ school, etc. Okay, maybe not necessarily strictly in that order. Anyways, some just ask out of curiosity, some out of concern. Some, just as a way to stay up-to-date about you. And some, in the case of those who ask “When are you going to get married?” might have a more mischievous intention of trying to match make you with someone they know.

Intrusive or not, it has almost become a norm year in year out to be asked these kind of questions. And it has also become a norm to read about the frustrations and annoyance of those being asked these types of questions via their status updates on Facebook, Twitter and even in Whatsapp groups. Some might take it hard (“Just because I’m still single it doesn’t mean that I’m not happy!” - Oh snap! Heh heh!) Some still can make a joke out of it (“Tomorrow, if it doesn’t rain.” - Eh?!) Some even dread travelling back to their hometown for the festivity because of these questions. It is sad because Hari Raya is supposed to be a day (or a month as it happens to be the case in Malaysia) of celebration with family and friends. As for me, I try to take the questions lightly. Sometimes I’d just reply with a question, “Soon. Now I’m looking for some sponsors for the reception ceremony. Would you like to be one?” :-)

A few years ago there was a set of pantun (Malay poems) going around via emails. The pantun (writer unknown) was about the very hard hitting question “When are you going to get married?” I found it to be very funny so much so I’d came up with something similar (albeit not as funny maybe) in English and shared it with my family & friends on Facebook then. And now, I’m going to share it with you guys. *gulps*

So when are you getting married?